“There’s nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don’t live up until their death. They don’t honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can’t hear it. Most people’s deaths are a sham. There’s nothing left to die.”—Charles Bukowski
When I was in elementary school my art teacher said we should draw portraits with smiles because people’s lips naturally curve into a smile when resting. I found a Snapple cap once that backs her up. It said something like, “it takes 200 muscles to frown, but only 12 to smile,” but I’ve been studying people on the subway and my own face in the mirror and I’m on the verge of calling it liars.
“She used to say, “The only frontier you have left is the world of intangibles. Everything else is sewn up too tight.”
Caged inside too many laws.
By intangibles, she meant the Internet, movies, music, stories, art, rumors, computer programs, anything that isn’t real. Virtual realities. Make-believe stuff. The culture.
The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it.
Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die.
But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.
If you can change the way people think, she said. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. If you do that, you can change the way people live their lives. And that’s the only lasting thing you can create.”—Choke by Chuck Palahniuk (via life-threatening-lifestyles)
Telling myself to rebuild and rebound
Yet always hoping to see you around
Cause that’s my idea of safe and sound
But I’d rather gamble lose all and face death
than fucking rot here exhausted from this waste of breath
I always waste my breath
This quicksand it pulls me under
It pulls me underneath her
And I’m learning how to live with my unintended consequences
While you’re busy jumping fences
Afraid to stay in one spot for too long
I’m trying hard
Everyday not to lose my temper
Found this today, I jotted it down over the summer when it was really bad. Hopefully it won’t get to this point again.
When you sleep, your muscles repair themselves. Which means if you have bad enough insomnia, your entire body hurts all the time. Every move you make weakens you just a bit more, everything you lift tears them imperceptibly. If this goes on long enough your waking hours are filled with constant pain in the back of your mind, which may not be a bad thing, lest you finally drift into sleep at an inopportune time, like crossing the street or driving a car.
And driving to Columbus all I wanted was a Waffle House waffle but there aren’t any Waffle Houses until Columbus so I stopped at a Denny’s instead and they don’t have any waffles and it’s too loud to think.
“I heard the old man’s voice break, stutter once then stop it. I heard
a sentence started confidently halted by the sudden absence of a word.
Stumbled and he sputtered trying to find it back, something once so simple gone.
When he finally gave up told me, “Aw, it’s like hell getting old.”—La Dispute
“If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?”—Tyler Durden
He said to me that “trying to reach heaven without god is like trying to jump across the Grand Canyon, it just couldn’t be done.” I told him that Robby Knievel jumped across the Grand Canyon. He said to me that he would “pray for my soul.” That poor man.
“Love is bullshit. Emotion is bullshit. I am a rock. A jerk. I’m an uncaring asshole and proud of it. What would Jesus NOT do? If it comes down to a choice between being unloved and being vulnerable and sensitive and emotional, then you can just keep your love.”—Choke (Chuck Palahnuik)
“In the bathroom there are razor blades. Here is iodine to drink. Here are sleeping pills to swallow. You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be. Every time you don’t throw yourself down the stairs, that’s a choice. Every time you don’t crash your car, you reenlist.”—Chuck Palahniuk - Survivor
“A guy’s calling to say he’s failing Algebra II.
Just as a point of practice, I say, Kill yourself.
A woman calls and says her kids won’t behave.
Without missing a beat, I tell her, Kill yourself.
A man calls to say his car won’t start.
A woman calls to ask what time the late movie starts.
She asks, “Isn’t this 555-1327? Is this the Moorehouse CinePlex?”
I say, Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.
A girl calls and asks, “Does it hurt very much to die?”
Well, sweetheart, I tell her, yes, but it hurts a lot more to keep living.”—